Progress on a much-disliked project

Yesterday I devoted myself to a project at work that I intensely dislike, updating the directory. There are a few reasons that I hate it, but the biggest one is probably that it's never done, never ever perfect and complete. The second I update it, someone quits, or moves, or is hired, or gets a new phone number or email alias... well, you get the idea. It's ghastly. Of course I make it a much bigger deal in my mind than it actually is, and I put off doing it so that it's hanging over my head for a while, which makes me hate it more... well, you get that idea too. I used a few anti-procrastination tricks to get myself to finally do it, although it was probably the "motivating factor" of being able to change offices when I was finished that finally got me going.

Naturally, I did nothing else all day, including blogging or working on my novel. I love to say "working on my novel" though, so I'm pretty sure I'll get back to it tonight. Events were conspiring against me yesterday, for on top of a day o' drudgery, a Six Feet Under disk was waiting in my mailbox -- so I had to watch all 3 episodes immediately, because we are rocketing toward the conclusion and I can hardly stand the waiting time to get new disks at this point.

Tomorrow is the reward for my first week of working 4 10-hour days -- Friday off! Somehow 3 day weekends are so much more satisfying than 2 day weekends!

Sleep, depression, Peter Krause, and procrastination

I know what you're thinking: what an ambitious topic! I can't wait to see what this is all about!

Ok, after sleeping for 10.5 hours for 3 days straight, I think this just isn't working. I mean, I do feel well-rested! And I don't feel groggy or anything. It's just that after sleeping that long, then putting in 8.5 hours at work, and my 1.5 hour round trip commute, there's just not much time left. And I really don't like that. Plus, I was thinking that I cut back too radically when I tried the 7 hour/night plan. Now I am going to try cutting back gradually and see how it goes. I'm going to start by RADICALLY cutting back to *9* hours per night, and then each week cut back by 15 minutes, with the goal being to get down to 7 hours, or to find some kind of happy medium that works for me. I'll keep reporting. Part of the problem that I haven't addressed on the blog before is kind of fundamental (and a bit scary to confess): I have depression and I need to take sleep meds in addition to antidepressants. And the sleep meds account for the morning grogginess if I get up "early," i.e., before I've slept for 10.5 hours. This is a constant source of tension for people with depression. The meds allow for a superficially normal life, but still leave one with other difficulties. But hey, at least I *am* getting up in the mornings, which is an improvement over the past.

And fall brings the beginning of the unfortunately acronymed SAD, seasonal affective disorder. Most people with depression have a problem during the winter. Mine starts when the light starts changing and hits its peak at the solstice -- then improves as the days grow longer again.

On less weighty subjects, I mentioned in an earlier post that I was afraid to finish Six Feet Under, because how would I live without Peter Krause in my life? And then I discovered he has a new show on ABC, Dirty Sexy Money (I just typed "Monday" -- don't you wish Mondays *were* dirty and sexy?? oh, maybe for some of you they are...). I've seen both episodes and I'm not too sure it's going to last. Anyone else watching this show? What do you think of it? It could be one of those shows that's kind of a mess at the beginning and then grows on you, which is how I felt about Studio 60 last year, but of course the networks don't tend to like that kind of show...

I had another good non-procrastinating day on Thursday, and I'm feeling really good about that. I hope I can build on these good feelings so that this habit becomes ingrained. One place I often fall down is needing to think about things, to let them percolate. That technique is necessary for some projects, and it doesn't really happen if I'm working on another project that's fully occupying my mind. I'd be interesting in hearing how other people deal with this aspect of work. I'm thinking that I could just sit and stare at the problem, forcing myself to think about it, thus perhaps speeding up the process, but I have often found that not thinking about a problem for a day or 2 is the most efficient way to solve the problem! It's a pair-o-ducks, I know...

A new resolution

So I tried something new today at work -- monitoring and cutting back my web browsing time. It's just too easy to get carried away and the internet is too great a distraction from work. I decided I would have timed internet breaks, and only a few of those. I am happy to report that it worked very well. I usually have to have a web browser open to use PubMed and my online dictionary, but I closed any personal tabs, including my personal email and also my newsreader.

I found that during my internet breaks I was very focused and discerning about what I wanted to read -- much more selective and less of an information junkie. Although I kind of like that I'm an information junkie, it really isn't good to be pursuing one's personal goals on the job, unless they pertain directly to that job. I am an absolute Googling wiz -- but there's only so far that skill will take you in life. And I'm sure it's good to stay in touch with housing trends by browsing property online, but I can do that on my own time.

I wound up getting a lot more done than on those days when I let myself be distracted. I had one paper that I really had to buckle down and concentrate on, and this was at the end of the day and I was sorely tempted to procrastinate. But then I put on my headphones, played some white noise (tip: do not accidentally refer to this as "white music" in public), and edited some pages. At the end of the day, I felt productive and invigorated.

Well, the invigoration might have been because I had 10 hours of sleep last night. Yes, I'm still sleeping as if I am sleep-deprived. I think I just need a lot of sleep.

The capstone on my good day was meeting my neighbor's new beagle puppy. She is exceedingly cute and friendly and active and we had fun. Puppies next door are the bestest -- easily accessible, without the responsibility!

Perfectionism and its evil twin

I was thinking last night about the name of this blog, and how I bet a lot of people expect it to be about problems with perfectionism, or at least a blog by a perfectionist. I really did come up with the name because I had been calling Zoe dog OLOP, but it's true that perfectionism has bedeviled me ever since I was raised by a perfectionist.

Most people react with surprise when I say I have problems in this area: "Wait, you think *you're* a perfectionist??" That's because perfectionism walks hand in hand with its evil twin, fear of failure. And these two little monsters conspire to turn a certain subset of perfectionists into procrastinators.

My recent career change -- editing for a living -- was a definite move into a field that demands a person to be nitpicky about language and grammar. I am trying to get all the errors out of a document so that it can be perfect. Luckily, I'm pretty well-suited to this task -- and yet I still freeze up totally when confronted with a new project. It's a terrible vestigial feeling that I haven't been able to shake my entire life: "what if this time, I just can't do it? what if this is the project that shows me to be a complete fraud?"

I was thinking about this last night because I received a really great performance evaluation, which I'm not telling you in order to brag (ok, maybe just a little) but to show that I am good at my job and yet I still have these fears of failure. It's as if failure is lurking around every corner.

This isn't a post with a lot of answers. It's a topic I expect to explore more as time goes on. Usually, when procrastination rears its ugly head, I try to somehow muster the strength to just start the project, which in itself is the hardest part! Once I've started, I'm more than halfway there. More on this in later posts.