On the pre-emptive strike

I would like to understand why I sometimes shoot myself in the foot. This week, a work situation came to a head, prompting me to realize that it's an old pattern, prompting me to remember an early iteration of it: when I was a kid, my parents would sometimes get fed up with the state of my room (which was always horrendously messy, or so they thought) and close me in there until I had cleaned it. I would always resist, staying in there without cleaning for hours on end, missing meals, feeling like I was going to starve, but still refusing to clean. Finally I would crack, but it was always such a painful process. And I always knew that I would have to be the one to cave, that my parents never would.

So why did I keep doing it? Why put up a fight I knew I couldn't win? And why did my brother do the same thing?

I was extremely compliant in most other ways. Somehow I took my stand on this one particular hill, but I never won, and I never hurt anyone except myself. So why?

This isn't a rhetorical question. Not that I expect anyone else to have the answer.

Blogging and self loathing

Lately I've been having mood swings about my blog. Sometimes I think "I should blog more! Constantly! Honestly!" Sometimes "I should quit blogging! Give up!" Recently the most seductive thought has been to give up on this blog and start a new blog that is very anonymous and tells it all like it is.

But how would that be? This takes me right into all those questions about memoir vs fiction that we like to think about nowadays. I think that for me, like a lot of people, the true appeal of having a blog is of being known to the outside world, of having a record of my thoughts and feelings that might speak to something in other people. I often like to read posts in which people express feelings that are similar to mine, and I think my blog could serve that purpose for other people.

I'm frustrated recently by the fact that I can't be completely honest, which has made me see that I wanted to be able to do that here. By "not completely honest," I don't mean that I'm lying, just that I can't tell everything, because people who know me read this. I can't be "myself" here for the same reasons that I can't be "myself" anywhere. Because we have to edit too much of ourselves to get along in the world.

Or at least I do.

Just in case...

... you haven't seen this yet, here it is:

Couldn't have said it better

From "Misogyny I won't miss" in today's Washington Post:

There are many reasons Clinton is losing the nomination contest, some having to do with her strategic mistakes, others with the groundswell for "change." But for all Clinton's political blemishes, the darker stain that has been exposed is the hatred of women that is accepted as a part of our culture.

Another one from the Duh Annals...

Cane may ease the load on arthritic knees

Maybe I'm missing something... but haven't people been using canes for, oh, centuries now? I used one before my knee replacement and yes, it helped.

A belated happy caturday!

For all of you who foolishly don't read Cute Overload, here's a video from yesterday that may amuse you:

Green Valley Book Fair

So, the GVBF starts again this weekend, and I was taking a gander at their "new arrivals" section. The books under "Summer Reading" are broken down into categories such as "Best Selling Authors," "Families and Relationships," etc. After my current obsession, "Mystery and Suspense," there's a category called "Paranormal Romance." WTF?

Has it really come to this? Isn't the "regular" romance genre unrealistic enough? Now we have to look outside the human realm?

This disturbs me, but in an amused sort of way.

If Our Lady of Perfection were a Celebrity

I should have been able to predict this:

My niece, the star

My beautiful and talented niece is performing in a stage show in the near future.

That's her being held up in the top picture, and seemingly fainting away in the lower right picture. I can't wait to see this production! I think it will be great fun.

Watch for her this summer as Veruca Salt in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, another Kids on Stage production.