Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Not the best

I'm feeling kind of blah. Haven't felt like writing, haven't felt I had anything to say, you know, blah. Maybe I'm bored. I don't generally get bored, but when I don't have time to follow my own inclinations either intellectually or puttering-around wise, it does happen. I do notice I'm having trouble mustering the appropriate feelings and reactions to things. It's a little bit like anhedonia, except that I am still taking an interest in life, just, uh, not so much in people. Maybe I shouldn't say that on the internet. But I suppose it's something most people feel from time to time, and it's not directed against a particular person or persons.

I feel isolated but as I think this is my own fault, I then conclude I have no right to feel anything about it. Which is not how feelings work, as we know. Plus blaming oneself for having feelings is the fast track to depression. The trick, as one of my friends has been telling me, is to observe without judgment or blame. Then you can take action or not. I used to know this but it seems I temporarily forgot.

Somehow just writing about it makes me feel better. Kind of a bummer for the readers, though!

In CSA news, I'm happy to report that I ate an exceedingly righteous salad for dinner tonight. It's hard for me to get excited about salad -- I mean, it's good, but it really can only be so good, you know? So I get excited about the fact that it's good for my health, and that I'm not wasting as many veggies as I would otherwise. Speaking of which, joining a CSA when one is not used to preparing fresh food is a bit of an adjustment. I have been wasteful, I must confess. But I'm getting better. Last week, when I got everything home, I just stood over the box sampling the wares, most of which I can't identify. It makes me understand how people can eat raw -- I also feel a connection with our foraging past. It's kind of amazing the variety of tastes found in a bunch of leaves. Amazing AND delicious! The strawberries have been great, too.

We are in the "heavy greens" portion of the harvest, since it's early in the year, and my plans to dehydrate things I can't use is not working out, because to the best of my knowledge, dehydrating lettuce would be a mistake. Maybe a tasty kale chip? Unless my dehydrating expert chimes in here, I'm waiting until later in the season for that step. Luckily, I have a juicing expert on my extensive staff! She convinced me to purchase a juicer, for those special times when one is overwhelmed by veggies. I think this will be a fabulous solution and look forward to putting it into action this weekend. I'll report back. You can't stop me.


Anonymous said...

Girl, I've been feeling not-too-chipper myself lately. It passes, like all things do.

Can you imagine if we were roommates? Twenty-seven pets, CMOSs everywhere, strawberry tops thrown hither and yon.

Catherine said...

Plus boisterous arguments on fine grammatical points! Howling laughter! All the good stuff!

And kittens. A lot more kittens.