Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Keeper of secrets

I love my friends. Because they tell me, gently, about my weirdnesses and inconsistencies. That's not the only reason I love them, but it's the most relevant to this post.

This past weekend, I was visiting a very dear friend who lives a couple of hours away, from whom I was hiding my bathroom renovation. In all fairness, I was doing it because she loves taking baths and I wanted to surprise her with my glorious new bathtub (which really is glorious and is almost done and I will post pictures when it is) the next time she visits.

When it all came out, she mentioned that I have often kept secrets from her over the course of our friendship. I feebly attempted to defend myself, coming up with various reasons that had made sense to me at the time, but of course I had to admit she was right because, well, she was. Then she said, "and you know what's really strange? You always get upset when you feel that people are withholding information from you." This made me laugh, that kind of laugh that occurs when someone has nailed you. You're half embarrassed and half pleased to be this well-known by someone.

In talking with another dear friend about it, I hilariously told this story without revealing the particular secrets to him. When I mentioned the part about getting upset when people withhold information from me, he said "that *is* true."

No, I'm not going to tell you, the reading audience, all my secrets.

But I did realize that my outrage when people withhold things from me is simply pure projection. I'm the one keeping things from them, so I blame them for keeping things from me. As another friend said "everyone has their secrets," which was really quite wise and with which I disagreed at the time.

So in an attempt to stop projecting this problem onto people I love, I've decided to start telling my secrets. Not every secret, of course, but secrets that really don't have to be. I'll let you know how it goes.

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