Monday, March 3, 2008

What to blog about... or should that be About what to blog?

I believe I shot myself in the foot the other day (or week) when I (a) stated that I wouldn't blog about my health problems anymore and (b) put up and took down a post about Weight Watchers. Watch me take this one down as well.

(A) Health problems are a lot of what's going on with me right now, so I am going to blog about them, and if I sound like a whiner, that's ok. Sometimes we all need to whine, but I'm not sure blogging about legitimate health concerns means that someone is a whiner. And if you wonder who I'm trying to convince here, clearly it's myself.

(B) Re: Weight Watchers: I have learned that when I commit to doing something on this blog and monitoring/reporting on my progress, that I lose all interest in pursuing the thing. This isn't rational, but it's true. That's why I took the post down -- the second I posted it, I felt like going off my diet. So this is pretty much the last time you're going to hear about Weight Watchers from me.

The only real health problem I'm having right now is the sleep apnea, but it's been all-consuming, I have to say. The adjustment period for the APAP machine is difficult, although I've been doing well with it. My problem is the mask, which keeps slipping every time I roll over, which is a lot. So I've tried a couple of different ones and I need to try yet another. So I feel like my sleep still isn't as good as it ought to be, but on the other hand I've been getting up on time so there has been an improvement, as I haven't gotten up on time for approximately eleventy-seven years, or since I was a child, whichever is older.

People think, "how can you adjust to sleeping with a mask on your face?" The answer may disgust you. I have to tell you, and I realize how ridiculous this is, I enjoy having air blown up my nose. Especially warm, humidified air. It's sick, but that's how it is. That, and I think the mask is sexy. Seriously, there must be a fetish community out there that likes this sort of thing. I need to find them...

But seriously, this whole thing is making me feel very old and I have been distracting myself from it with mysteries and The Colbert Report (two very successful distractions, I must say). Also, and this is pathetic, computer solitaire. When I give myself time to think, I cry. I really do. I'm upset about this diagnosis, I'm upset that I need a machine to sleep. I'm staying in the house all day on my days off. I'm feeling unattractive, even though I'm thinner and I don't actually wear the mask out of the house. I feel like I'm grieving, which makes some sense. I'll adjust eventually, but right now that's where I am.

In cheerful news, my dogs and cat are also powerful distractions, and now I will regale you with a Queenie story. Queenie has always been enthusiastic about meals, and her "down" is quite athletic, as she hurls herself to the floor. The other night at suppertime she hurled herself to the floor in the living room and slid, in the down position, into the kitchen. It was hilarious and I'm hoping she does it again soon.


mystery maven said...

You have a right to be cranky about it for a while. Don't feel guilty. I'm sure you will adjust quickly and it will soon become a non-issue. Okay, I hate to bring up WW, but I am switching from points to core. Two weeks on points and I blew it. I found those 100 calorie snacks and I just can't be trusted with any sweets. Not even the two-point packs. Who can eat just one??

Catherine said...

Thank you for the affirmation. It does help. I keep trying masks and I suspect there is no perfect one.

Re: WW: Maybe I'll still post about it occasionally, if I can find ways to talk about it without derailing myself. Anyway, every time I've "switched" to Core, I discover I want many foods that aren't on it, and that I don't want to use my bonus points for. But of course I hope it works for you.

You can be trusted with sweets! Seriously, you won't get anywhere if you start being too restrictive. I think WW encourages people to eat flexibly -- that's what I love about the bonus points. Anyway, good luck with it and maybe I'll try posting about it again.

mystery maven said...

You're right. I was just reacting to a woman in the clothing store who said she lost over 100 pounds in the past year just by giving up "whites". Easy-peasy she said. But I can't do it. Whew. Now I get to use all of the frozen lo-cal dinners that are stocked in my freezer! Not to mention the case of two-point snacks from BJ's... :) Slow & steady...