Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Feelin' better, now that we're through...

...Feelin' better now I'm over YOU, erythema multiforme!

Today's the first day I really woke up feeling like myself. I'm alert. I'm interested in the world. I'm enjoying the crisp and lovely fall weather. I'm only as hideous as I usually am, not moreso.

It's almost impossible to fathom feeling better when one is feeling so unwell. I kept reassuring myself that I was getting proper treatment and that I wouldn't be sick forever, and that did help a lot. I decided the whole thing was a test to see if I could have something seriously go wrong and not worry too much about it. I was too immersed in it to actually worry about it, if that makes sense.

But it did get me thinking about some serious issues, which I didn't allow myself to think about when I was sick because that's a rule I have, but now I want to spend some time thinking about them. One topic has to do with self-acceptance: warts, skin rashes, and whatever else may happen physically. And the other has to do with ways of maintaining focus and concentrating on meaningful work even when I'm not 100% healthy. Last week, I was just too sick to do anything but survive for a few days, so that's what I did. But now I'm talking about low-level chronic pain, or low-energy days -- I'd like to get better on removing my focus from how bad I feel and putting it somewhere that could contribute to making me feel better.

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