Monday, November 19, 2007

It's my birthday...

...and I'll have a midlife crisis if I want to.

I like to have my crises the year before the big "decade" birthdays (yes, "like" is a strong word). This year I'm 49. Somehow I really feel like I'm not young anymore. And yet most days I feel like I'm around 12 and just impersonating an adult.

The crisis is just about feeling old and being scared of, well, dying. Which hopefully isn't going to happen anytime soon, but I would like to find a way of grappling with this fear and coming to some kind of healthy acceptance of death, if that's at all possible. And it's hard to find evidence that it is, outside of religion.

As far as my life goes, I'm pretty happy. I love my home, animals, friends, and family. I love my job and, although I'm not a very ambitious person, I'm happy with where I am in my career.

I have some health issues that I deal with, but everything is under control right now.

So the midlife crisis is a lot more about fear of the future than regret for the past or present. Maybe I just need to reassure myself that I always handle whatever comes my way, and I'll continue to be able to do that in the future. And then just let it go... always the tricky part!


John said...

Well it's a good thing I paid you a visit before bed and didn't have to add "belated" to HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Mid life crisis, huh. Oh, I passed that billshit 10 years ago. : )

You and I need to talk. Hope you had a great day! : )


John said...

Um..I meant bUlls**t, but I didn't want to curse on your birthday post. ; )

Catherine said...

Thank you for the birthday wishes! It was a fun day -- actually it was a 10 hour work day, but it was followed by cake! which doesn't happen too often.

Tawking would be eggcelent. No, I do not know why I wrote it that way.