Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Self-acceptance

Me: I think I'm becoming more of a hermit.

Dr: And is that ok with you? Do you mind being eccentric?

I've never had a doctor agree with me that I'm eccentric before. It's a new experience. On the one hand, I think it's good that she's honest. On the other hand, I kind of wish I weren't eccentric.

It seems that the problems I've been having lately have to do with having a depressive episode. Thus, the current chemistry experiment, which has not yet paid off and in which I don't have a lot of confidence. But supposedly I have to be at a higher dose for it to work.

The doctor advised that I try not to judge my symptoms. Feeling sad and alone, thinking about death a lot -- these are symptoms of depression. And I know this to be true, and I am flunking depression screening tests. Sometimes it's hard to know what are actual issues with which one has to grapple, and when they are symptoms of this illness. But I've agreed to be patient and see how I feel in a month or so (as I go up on the new med).

Sometimes I feel funny disclosing so much of this on here. But then I think it might help someone, and for some reason it helps me, so I continue.

Eccentrics unite! Or, um, don't. Do what you want to! You're eccentric!

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for posting this - we have something in common, I'm a 49 year old single female with no kids (never married).

Catherine said...

Thanks for writing! Would love to hear more from you. I feel like we're in a secret club...

lilybelle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
lilybelle said...

Catherine - this is anonymous from June 12 - can I write to you privately? I also have a pom and a chihuahua, so we have something else in common.